


Leaving These Broken Pieces Behind You

by NoWayToHandleThings



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anger, Angst, Backstory, Father-Son Relationship, Fights, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 15:16:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13906755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoWayToHandleThings/pseuds/NoWayToHandleThings
Summary: Larry walks in on Connor scrolling through his boyfriend, Jared's, Instagram. He tries to make the ensuing conversation normal, but Connor can't help but feel like there's something up.





	Leaving These Broken Pieces Behind You

Connor was looking through his boyfriend's Instagram at the kitchen table. He was back to 2015. This was normal right? Yeah. Totally normal to be… Aw, there was one of him, dressed as Link, taking his siblings trick or treating. Connor was so tempted to like it but then he'd be outed as a Jared-stalker. Reading the caption, “My very own candy-laundering service”, Connor couldn't help but snicker.

There was a voice from behind him that made him jump. “What's so funny?” Dad said.

Connor slammed his phone down on the table. But in his rush to hide his phone it turned out he had accidentally put it down face-up so Dad just peered over Connor's shoulder. He gave a little laugh and said, “Who's that? Your boyfriend?”

Connor put his head in his hand, locked his phone, and muttered, “Why the fuck do you wanna know?” He really didn't want to talk about this. It felt weird to be talking to his straight-as-an-arrow dad about his queerness. They hadn't really mentioned it since he came out in a screaming match a few weeks ago and it was still kind of tender.

“No reason, I just. He's funny, I don't know. You mentioned a boyfriend, I thought… Eh, it's fine.”

Honestly, Connor hadn't been expecting an answer like that. He'd figured Dad would have made fun of Jared or something. He still wasn't sure, but he was letting his guard down a crack. 

“Yeah, he is. Actually. His name is Jared. And, yeah, he's pretty funny.” Connor couldn't help smiling. Just a little. 

Dad sat down and stared at his phone. “So, I… We haven't talked about… You're gay.”

Connor sighed. Here it came. “Yeah. I'm gay. So, like, kick me out of the house, I don't fucking give a shit.”

Dad looked up and he just looked shocked. “Connor. I'm not going to kick you out. Jesus Christ, I can't believe you'd think that. I just… We still care about you, okay? I don't care whether you're gay or straight or somewhere in between, or -”

Connor snorted. “Wow. You believe there's something in between. How progressive of you. How many hours of Tumblr did it take to get that through your skull?”

Dad just breathed out angrily through his nose and left, mumbling about a deposition to take care of. Connor called after him, “Yeah, that's what I fucking thought!” He didn't know what his father was trying to do but it was definitely something and Connor would not fall for it. All this “we love you no matter what” crap was suspicious as hell.

~~~

Later that night, after dinner, Connor heard a knock on his bedroom door. Dad came in without waiting for a response which was just. Typical. He coughed a little, which made sense because Connor had taken pains to make sure this room smelled of weed.

“I want to meet this Jared boy.” Connor prepared his murder face, there was no way this was going well. “I want to make sure he's good for you.”

Dad probably thought Jared was his dealer. That made perfect sense, in all honesty, why would Dad believe Connor could make anyone willingly spend time with him if they weren't being paid. It wouldn't happen. Connor was the family shame, of course nobody would like him for who he was. “I'm sorry to disappoint, dear father, but I'm not fucking my dealer. It's an insane notion, I know, but he's actually just a normal kid who happens to like me.”

Dad looked genuinely offended. His law degree must have come with a few acting classes. “I wasn't… I just don't want you to get hurt. I wasn't  _ trying _ to imply that he was supplying you with… pot? Opioids? I can't keep track of what you're on.”

“Yeah, well, he's not. Besides, it's not like I need the discount, is it?” Connor replied. He was bitter. So sue him. Dad shifted around in the doorway and his face went red. Oh god, this conversation wasn't over. It was going to get worse. 

“You said you weren't, uh. Having sex with your dealer. Are you? With this boy?” Dad kept looking down at his feet and Connor groaned. 

“You fucking pervert. Why in the hell do you -”

“ _ Because I want you to be safe!” _ Dad looked scared. This took Connor by surprise. He didn't think it was possible for Dad to feel anything for him. Connor was pretty much speechless, sitting on his bed with his mouth agape. “This is hard for me to talk about, but I… Make sure you use protection. I don't want you to get A… I don't want you to get sick.”

And here it was. Here was the homophobic fucking culmination this had been building to. Connor felt the heat building in his stomach and he stood up, fists curled.

“AIDS? Really? It's gotta be fucking news to you, but gay sex doesn't  _ cause _ AIDS. I'm not going to die because of my orientation. I'm not going to FUCKING GET A DISEASE JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO KISS OTHER FUCKING BOYS, AND I  _ HATE _ THAT YOU EVEN THOUGHT OF THAT! FUCK YOU!”

Connor moved to slam the door in his father's face, but when he actually looked at it, he was taken aback. Dad's eyes had tears in them. Connor couldn't. He couldn't just. He had to find out why. So fuck it. Connor punched the wall till his knuckles bled, but the door stayed open. When Connor had calmed down enough to listen to anything, his voice was hoarse from screaming, but Dad was still standing right outside the room. But now Dad had pulled his wallet out and was staring at it. The quiet must have alerted him to something because he looked up.

“Are you feeling better?”

Connor took a few deep breaths. “Enough. I guess.”

Dad gave the open wallet to Connor. There was a picture inside of Dad with Mom. There was another guy Connor didn't recognise between them. They all looked about college age and they were smiling. His parents looked happier than Connor had ever seen them.

“Son, do you know who that person is?” Dad's voice was shaky and that was just. More terrifying than Connor would have thought it would be. 

“No. Mom's boyfriend? I don't…”

“Mine, actually.”

Connor snapped his head up. What the fuck. What the  _ fuck _ . Dad had had a boyfriend? This was insane. This was a lie. This was… That look in Dad's eyes. Yeah. He wasn't looking at Mom. He was looking at this man. Oh god. Dad had had a boyfriend.

“His name was Stephen. We dated freshman year of college. He… I loved him, but he went on a semester abroad and it didn't last.” Dad closed his eyes. And there was a tear running down his cheek. Shit. “Beginning of junior year, I'm casually dating your mother, and I get a knock on the door of my dorm room. And it's Stephen.” Dad's voice broke a little and he looked down. Connor looked back at the picture in his hand because he couldn't bear looking at his dad's face. This was all wrong it felt very wrong.

“So, he says he has… he has HIV. And I need to get tested. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life, and your mother was very supportive throughout the whole thing. Turns out I'm clean, I didn't. Stephen had had boyfriends after me. But. AZT cost a lot back then, and Stephen… he didn't make it.” Dad sounded so broken. So shattered. This didn't feel real. Connor turned away. 

“So, I just…” Dad’s voice wobbled and Connor tried not to hear it. But he still heard. “I'm sorry that AIDS was the first thing to come to mind, it was a bad example. And I honestly don't care if you're having sex with this boy or not. But I've had bad experiences. So I'm just asking that you be careful.” 

Connor nodded. “I'm sorry, Dad, I didn’t know.” He turned back to his father and held the wallet out. “I can maybe invite Jared over for dinner sometime? I can't promise he'll be polite, but I can ask him over.” He had to make some effort. It seemed like Dad had drained himself and so it was the least Connor could do. 

Dad took the wallet and laughed wetly. “You know, I kind of assumed you were dating, uh. Whatshisname. Evan. Or at least, if I were you I'd have chosen him. I always had a thing for athletic guys.”

Connor blushed and looked down. “Oh my god, dad, shut up.” This felt like a normal moment. Those were rare in Connor's life, but this felt normal. It felt good.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! Please leave your honest feedback in the comments if you feel like it. If you want to, leave a kudos, they feel nice. I'm the-third-flower-is-yellow on Tumblr if you want to tell me anything or yell at me or something.
> 
> Please note I'm British and writing American characters so dialect and spelling might be weird.


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